


My Capitalist

by cyberneticOrganism



Category: Homestuck, My Immortal, The Lorax (2012)
Genre: Bestiality, But like really poorly described, F/M, Like i'm telling you it's really bad, Other, Sex, Terrible writing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:13:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9806711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberneticOrganism/pseuds/cyberneticOrganism
Summary: lOL XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD thIS FIC IS goNNA BE LikE, A sUPER HAWT oNCIE x OCEEEE FIC YAAAAAAy!!!!!! Lolzor XD RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this iz gonna be like, super amaaaaazin!!!!(Please note that this piece of fiction was created with entirely ironic purposes and is in no way actually serious. If you wish to burn your retinas and have your brain seep from your nostrils, then go ahead and continue. )





	1. Chapter One: The Begin(sin)ning

**Author's Note:**

> (Actual Author's Note (AAN): With every word I type, I apologize to you, dear reader, for I have brought this monstrosity into the world. Anyways, let's get on with this hell show.)
> 
> AN: OH EM GEEEEEE THANKS FOR CHECKInG OUT MY FIC LOL XDDDDDD!!!!! I LUV YOU GUYS 5EVAAAAAR!!!11!!!!11! HUGZ AND KISSEZ XOXOXOXO.
> 
> XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX<3OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Hi my name is Ivory Light’ness Flora Dove Lorax and I have long ivory white hair (that’s how I got my name) with green streaks and yellow tips that reaches my mid-back and sky blue eyes like joyful tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Taylor Swift (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to the Lorax but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking nature hippie. I’m a nature fairy but my teeth are straight and white. I have tan orange skin. I’m also a factory worker, and I work to a factory that makes thneeds in Theendville where I’ve worked for two years (I’m seventeen). I’m a hippie (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly tie dye. I love thrift shops and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a short floral dress with matching lace around it and a green cotton shorts, yellow bracelets and brown work boots. I was wearing hot pink lipstick, tan foundation, black eyeliner and no eye shadow. I was walking outside the factory. It was windy and sunny so there was lots of sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of workers stared at me. I gave a peace sign at them.

"Hey Ivory!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. the Once-ler!

“What’s up Oncie?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard the other workers call me and I had to go away.

 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX<3OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

 

_AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me tank u!_


	2. Chapter Two: I Regret All My Life Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AAN: HOOOO BOY...)
> 
> AN: Tanks to all my best fwens whove been so encowagin LUV U XDXDXD!!
> 
> XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX<3OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was sunny and windy again. I opened the door of my tree-house and drank some mineral water from a renewable bottle I had. My tree-house was white ivory and inside it was neon green linen with sky blue lace on the ends. I got out of my bedroom and took of my giant tie-dye t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a tie-dye dress, a peace-sign necklace, work boots and light brown stockings on. I put on one pairs of hooped earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Sybil (AN: Kisbys dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length sparrow brown hair with blond streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her floral t-shirt with a blue a-line, and pink flip-flops. We put on our makeup (pink lipstick tan foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to the Once-ler yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like the Once-ler?” she asked as we went out of the workers common room and into the factory line place.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, the Once-ler walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Taylor Swift is having a concert in town.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love TS. She is my favorite singer, besides Christina Aguilera . “Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.


	3. Chapter Three: Revenge of the Sin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AAN: I'm physically vomiting as i write this)
> 
> AN: DON'T HAT MY STORY PLZ!!!! I LUV ALL OF U BUT I LUV THE AWSUM PEOPLE WHO LIK MY STORY MOAR!!!!BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Taylor Swift.

On the night of the concert I put on my brown lace up boots with no heels. Underneath them were green thigh-highs. Then I put on a blue striped dress with all there ruffles on the back and front. I put on matching bracelet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all smooth. I felt a little happy then, so I made up a song. I played a guitar while I figured out the tune and I listened to some TS. I painted my nails green and put on BARELY any black eyeliner. Then I put on some red lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was tan anyway. I drank some mineral water so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Once-ler was waiting there in front of his limousine. He was wearing a Kitt Kahtte t-shirt (they would play at the show too), striped green pants, and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Oncie!” I said in a cheery voice.

“Hi Ivory.” he said back. We walked into his fancy green Chrysler 300 limousine (the license plate said fuktreezlol(which i didn't like but who carez hez hot) and drove to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Taylor Swift and Kitt Kahtte. He smoked a cigar. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the place at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Taylor Swift.

“Ooh, we called it off again last night but ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you we are never ever ever getting back together,” sang Swift (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Swift is so fucking hot.” I said to the Once-ler, pointing to her as she sung, filling the club with her amazing voice.

Suddenly Oncie looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we waved to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like her better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Oncie sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Swift and she’s going out with Tom fucking Hiddleston. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of his ugly british face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Oncie. After the concert, we drank some fruit juice and asked Samm Eteroh and Swift for their autographs and photos with them. We got Kitt Kahtte concert tees. Oncie and I crawled back into the Chrysler 300, but Oncie didn’t go back into the thneed factory, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Lorax's Forest!


	4. Chapter Four: Inhales Aggressively

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AAN: Good Lord, help me.)
> 
> AN:pls dun be mean ivory’s name is I-VORE-U nut mary su OK! ONCIE IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"ONCELER!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

The Once-ler didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Ivory?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped. The Once-ler leaned in extra-close and I looked into his nature green eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as Oncie kissed me passionately. The Once-ler climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“What The Hell Are You Doing You Motherfukers!”

It was…………………………………………………….Kanakanaakaya Maryama!


	5. Chapter Five: Exhales

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: y r u so mean 2 me!?!?!?!?????Da only reson Kanakanayana swor is coz she had a hedache ok an on tup of dat she wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! anyaways can u plz give me 5 kudos i luv u guys!

Kananaka made and Once-ler and I follow her. She kept shouting at us angrily.

“You Ludacris Fools!” she shouted. I started to cry tears of mineral water down my tan face. Oncie comforted me. When we went back to the castle Kanakanakaya took us to Manager Maggie and Manager Mithryl who were both looking very angry.

“They Were Having Sexual Intercourse In The Lorax's Forest” she yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces? You have a business to run.” asked Manager Mithryl.

“How dare you?” demanded Manager Maggie.

And then Oncie shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Kankanaya and Manager Mithryl still looked mad but Manager Maggie said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Oncie and I went upstairs while the managers and co-owner glared at us.

“Are you okay, Ivory?” Oncie asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went outside to the tree-house and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut light blue mid thigh-length dress with white lace all around it and my trusty brown boots. When I came out….

Oncie was standing in front of the treehouse, and he started to sing ‘Never Grow Up’ by Taylor Swift. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into the factory to his room.


	6. Chapter Six: Decapitate Me, Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AAN: You're still here?)
> 
> AN: OH EM GEEEEEEEE GUYS CAN YOU PLZ LEAV GUD REVIEWS THX.

The next day I woke up in my treehouse. I put on a flowy green skirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with yellow flowers all over it and my trusty work boots that were brown. I put on a pair of hoop earrings in my ears. I dyed my hair ombre.

In the factory cafeteria, I ate some grass with dirt instead of milk, and a glass of mineral water. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the dirt spilled over my top. “Brother!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale face of a hippie boy with curly red hair with blond streaks in it. He was wearing so many floral print and tie dye things that it looked like he was a trippy garden. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing green contact lenses just like Oncie’s and there was no fuzzy mustache on his face anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Ed Sheeran.He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Axlor Tree, although most people call me Lorax these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the truffula trees.” he giggled.

“Well, I am a hippie and nature advocate.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Oncie came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


End file.
